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Finding Strength in Betrayal and Loneliness

Friday 24 January, 2025

Dealing with Betrayal and Loneliness

I am writing this on the feast of St Stephen, the first Christian martyr. As I reflect on Stephen’s bravery I am reminded of the betrayal and loneliness Jesus felt and how Jesus', Stephen’s, and Francis’ trust in the Lord can serve as an example to ease the betrayal and loneliness in our lives.


Betrayal

Most of us will not be put to death because one of our closest friends betrayed us with a kiss, and another good friend denied even knowing us, but we are betrayed in numerous small ways—a friend betrays a confidence or doesn’t stand up for us when we are being torn down by another person. Perhaps even a spouse betrays us by having an affair, or perhaps more commonly, refuses to stand up for us when family members tear us down. Or someone at work takes credit for a task we completed.


I cannot recall reading of anyone betraying Saint Francis, but if they did, I suspect his response would have been to go to that person and not only take forgiveness in his heart, for the person who betrayed him, but would have asked their forgiveness for his anger at them, for whatever injustice he may have committed to make them respond with betrayal.


Could we be more Franciscan in our response to betrayal? Can we try to understand the reasons behind that betrayal? I suspect Judas felt he was doing the right thing, trying to force Jesus to show his hand, and make evident his real power. And Peter, by protecting himself from possibly being condemned to death along with Jesus—did he know he would soon be asked to “feed my sheep?” Perhaps there are reasons behind the betrayals we face—maybe that employee who took credit for our work fears dismissal from their job and has a family to feed, or maybe they just have such low self-esteem they feel they cannot get congratulated for their own work. Likewise, the people stoning Stephen thought they were protecting their community from a radical follower of a false messiah because they didn’t understand that Jesus was the Messiah. Could we possibly add to St Francis’ Peace Prayer, “Where there is betrayal, let me sow forgiveness?”


Loneliness

Francis most likely faced periods of loneliness during his lifetime, just as Christ did when he asked his apostles if they could stay awake and pray with him for an hour. And Stephen must surely felt loneliness as he was being stoned, with no one to defend him, but his trust in the Lord was sufficient for him.  I think of the story of Francis’ death, when the brothers tried their best to take care of him and pray him to heaven. But the person who stands out most in my mind is Lady Jacopa who showed up at the door of the monastery with the ingredients to make Francis’ favorite almond cookies. The monks did not want to let her in—a woman in the monetary—heaven forbid. But Francis insisted they let “Brother Lady Jacopa” in and I must think she took away his loneliness at the end of his life.


How many lonely people cross our paths? The homeless person who will be sleeping alone in a cardboard box tonight. Have we thought to stop and share a conversation with them and maybe buy them a hot meal and sit down and enjoy it with them? The widow or widower whose life was devoted to their spouse and now they are alone and perhaps their family is scattered and can’t visit them. Sometimes just a visit or phone call could alleviate that loneliness. What about people in nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and the homebound. Many times, the sickest of these people never get a chance to leave the nursing home for a day out for lunch or breakfast, to go to the park and feed the pigeons, or to attend church. My late husband spent the last four years of his life in nursing homes and while he was able to get out of the home on occasion, he was lucky enough to be in facilities which have outings for their residents. But I know many who are not this fortunate. My church provided communion service in several of these facilities, and the residents are so grateful to be able to come together and attend a church service.


How can you show Franciscan compassion to the lonely? Here are few examples I have experienced:

  • A man in my former church has befriended a homeless man, takes him to restaurants to eat, and also has a part time job delivering meals for Grub-Hub, and will buy a meal and deliver to a homeless person frequently. 

  • A woman in my former church is in her nineties and on 24/7 oxygen, but she calls the homebound people in our church to check on them and know they are loved.

  • Another woman from my former church, a talented artist, every week makes drawings for people in the nursing homes, which those of us doing the communion service deliver to the residents.

  • At Christmas time, members of some churches go Christmas caroling to the homebound and those in nursing homes, and other people write out Christmas cards to deliver to these lonely people, letting them know someone cares about them.

  • My current church runs a community breakfast for the homeless every month and distributes much needed clothing, books, and hygiene supplies. But just the opportunity to share with people who may be lonely is the greatest gift we offer.


I think we are very fortunate to have a lot of “Lady Jacopas” in our parishes. Maybe one of them will bring you almond cookies someday when you are lonely.


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