As we approach the end of the Easter Season, and the birthday of the Church, when we recall the Holy Spirit descending on the apostles, I thought it would be a good time to share the call of Peter, and to all of us, the call to discipleship. This is an excerpt from my recently released book, The Face of Jesus, 2^nd Edition

John 21: 15-17

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him a third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that he said to him a third time, “Do you love me,” and said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

In the weeks that had passed since that awful day of crucifixion, and the day that Mary of Magdala brought us the incredible news that Jesus was alive. I had been in a swirl of confusion. I wanted to go into hiding after the fateful day when I denied knowing Jesus. Where could I hide from the truth? I thought about following Judas’ lead and hanging myself, but then I thought, “No my crime was not that serious.” It wasn’t I who sold him out for thirty pieces of silver. And the others denied him too, we were all cowards, hiding from the Jews and the Romans, who might come after us next. And I was jealous of John, not just because he was younger and faster and got to the empty tomb before I did. Not just because he was brave enough to stand by Jesus until the end, not just because Jesus had asked him to care for Mary, Jesus’ own mother. There was always conflict and this nagging feeling of envy for the relationship John had with Jesus. And yet, numerous times Jesus had indicated he wanted me to lead his followers after he was gone. But then, if I were the favorite, the chosen leader, why did he look at John so lovingly, and embraced him tighter than the rest of us. And then there was Mary of Magdala. I was jealous of her too. Jesus obviously loved her, he treated her with respect and paid attention to her words. She was a woman! She could not be the chosen disciple. She could not carry on with his work when he was gone. And yet, every time he went off and spoke privately with her or with John, I felt this deep pain within me.

Someone had to carry on the work after Jesus was gone. Was it meant to be John, Mary Magdalene, Peter?  Maybe each of them in their own way had a role to play—leading the disciples and quelling their fear, writing the story of Jesus after the other disciples and gospel writers were long gone, showing the world that in Jesus there was no Greek nor Jew, no slave nor master, no woman no man.

Now here he was making us breakfast by the sea. What was he thinking, we should be hiding so we aren’t all killed? We should be trying to decide how to carry on his work. We should be planning our strategy. I was a man of action, if nothing else. I didn’t have time to sit by the sea and eat freshly caught fish. I wanted him to tell us what to do next. How to avoid capture and the fate that befell him. I wanted him to tell us if there was a way we too would rise from the dead. I wanted him to share the prayers that would help us heal those who needed healing. I wanted him to teach us how to preach to persuade the crowds. I didn’t want him cooking fish! What was he thinking! At last, he pulled me aside and asked me to walk with him. Ah, here it comes! He is going to give me the secret. He is going to tell me how to speak persuasively, how to lead his people. But what did I get? Him questioning my love. Not once but three times! The symbolism was not lost to me; I had denied him three times, now he was making me pay for that denial, he was relentless, he just kept asking! But there was more to it. Each time I assured him of my love for him, trying to persuade him I was the best person to lead his followers, he came back with this, “feed my lambs, tend my sheep, feed my sheep.” What did he want from me? I couldn’t feed them all. I couldn’t care for them all. Even if I could build a whole army of followers, we could never care for all the poor. I cried when he asked me for the third time. I knew that I could never live up to what he was asking me. And, he knew it to, because I saw the tears running down the face of Jesus.

I think we are all like Peter at times, doubting, denying Christ, and doubting his own ability to lead! But we, like Peter, are forgiven, and trusted to lead others to Christ. Perhaps you are being called to lead a book study. If so, consider my book for your own group of disciples.  The Face of Jesus, 2^nd Edition